Marriage Vs. Divorce

Marriage
The gifts given by girl's side are called gifts.
Divorce
The gifts given by the girl's side become dowry.

Marriage
The gifts given by the boy's side are called gifts.
Divorce
The gifts given by the boy's side become stridhan.

Wah! Women equality.

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Sowry harassment - the new bane of indian society

S.O.W.R.Y. = Son-in-law's Own Wealth Released to You.
D.O.W.R.Y. = Daughter-in-law's Own Wealth Released to You.

There is a new evil in Society. This is the SOWRY harassment of husbands and their families. This is a new feature of Indian society. The genesis of this harassment can be traced to the birth and spread of NRIs (Newly Rich Indians) around the Globe, with their money. The method of SOWRY Harassment is linked to the Matrimonial courts, which are geared more towards "teaching husbands a lesson ".

The NRIs, with their money and their peculiar position of having to leave to work, in the USA, Europe or wherever, were the first to feel the heat. These NRIs were educated and the thought of violence was anathema to them, and one encounter with a Police station was enough . Poor guys — they were threatened with loss of livelihood, prestige and so were forced to make a lifetime settlement — Rs 25 Lakhs, Rs 30 Lakhs etc. Women's organisations readily admit that there is some abuse. Of course, when a women's organisation admits there is some abuse, then there is lots of abuse.

This 25 lakhs and 30 lakshs of settlement was enough for others to follow suit. This spurted in around 1996 and by 2001 every woman was on their bargain for getting easy money out of a poor sod who did not know what hit him. After all, filing a 498A is as easy as ordering an Idly Sambhar. Actually, it is easier — the proprietor could refuse to give you an idly sambhar, but the police cannot refuse.

The pattern of behaviour is very simple. The girl would force him, belittle him continuously, harass him, and keep saying you are "harassing me". "Harassing me". Keep provoking the guy and his family, till at some point in time the guy and his family decide to speak up, and hey presto your wife becomes a 498A girl. Every family personally knows of men who have been harassed for Sowry .But very few people know of women being harassed for Dowry . Strange ! How come the media sees things differently from what is around me ? This is because of "consciousness-raising" – i.e. propaganda. No matter how gentle the guy is. it is important to force a 498A and ask for settlement. Marriage should not be a regime whereby, for no work on your part, you maintain your "lifestyle". But through 498A that is what it has become .

Police commissioners and the judiciary have clearly recognized that there is large-scale abuse of the 498A law, and that it is being used for SOWRY harassment. Hats off to them — they are the first ones to recognize the abuse, seeing that they do not have the power that an idly Sambhar vendor has to refuse to take part in SOWRY harassment

"Oh, but men are not driven to death ! " Really, the most ignored fact is that men's sucicide rate goes up by 50% after marriage, while it remains the same for women. Who is harassed more, then ? Where are our tears when men are driven to suicide by women and they are classified as death due to financial problems ? What are these financial problems, if not SOWRY harassment ? One dowry death every 102 minutes and one Sowry death every 30 minutes, but no protection for SOWRY victims .

"Girls are independent and will not just put up with things, and hence now they are using 498A". Where was their independence and tolerance if they tolerated levels of harassment to 498a levels, before filing for divorce ? Why do I see a 498A being filed before divorce ? That is because a 498A is a weapon of divorce and an instrument of SOWRY harassment.

SOWRY harassment is defined as any demand for money, property or lifestyle which interferes with one's peaceful existence or lifestyle .

Unfortunately this "independence" has brought in more SOWRY harassment and more demands for money from the guys. Why couldn't the divorce and separation be: "I don't like living with you . I go my way, you go your way, you live the lifestyle to which you are entitled, and I live the lifestyle to which I am entitled. I am thankfull for the lifestyle you gave me while you were with me "

It is always Money Money Money. I want all your money and more . I will not give you anything back in return. Neither will I allow a child to visit you. Neither will I provide a weekly amount of sex, or whatever I used to give. Because in marriage only a man is supposed to give . A woman is not supposed to give anything.

(This Article was originally published in New Zealand Equality Education Foundation. It was published with permission from Peco Chakravatru)

Sowry is promoting dowry

S.O.W.R.Y = Son's Own Wealth Released to You
D.O.W.R.Y = Daughter's Own Wealth Released to You

Dowry is bane of our society. Though we made strict laws to curb it, a new trend has come up that has started promoting dowry instead.

Our lawmakers should address the loophole.

But what's the loophole? Anti-dowry law is a must-arrest law, meaning that all those named in a dowry complaint are arrested without investigation. Unscrupulous women misuse the law. They marry for money in the form of settlement/ alimony. Here's what they do.

Find a rich husband and marry him. Immediately after marriage, file a false dowry complaint against her husband and the husband's parents and relatives. Since the husband has never been to jail and courts, he agrees to pay money to the tune of lakhs and dissolve the marriage as demanded by the unscrupulous wife.

This cheating is spreading the message that those innocent husbands who did not demand for dowry are actually fools. They landed into a very big trouble by being against dowry. This is promoting dowry even more than ever before.

Everyday about 200 cases of dowry are reported in Delhi alone. Such fraudulent practise by unscrupulous women is leading to deterioration of our society and family values.

If you are against dowry, you must be against both sowry and dowry.

Greed sees no gender. If you let greedy people be greedy, dowry will continue.

To end dowry, first end the greediness not only of husbands' families but also of wives' families.

This requires unbiased laws to handle matrimonial disputes.

Links to know about misuse of dowry law

1. SC called misuse of 498a Legal terrorism http://nzmera.orcon.net.nz/dowrylaw.html
2. SC on dowry law misuse http://www.telegraphindia.com/1050722/asp/nation/story_5020229.asp
3. Adverse affect on the public image of India in the world. The foreign governments, notably the United States and Canada, have taken note of this malpractice and have issued advisories on their official websites http://travel.state.gov/travel/cis_pa_tw/cis/cis_1139.html
4. Even well-educated women are misusing the laws (Star News coverage)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnx3ZmKWcqM
5. Educated women wanting to instil fear in men http://www.telegraphindia.com/1060717/asp/calcutta/story_6474225.asp
6. Research on 498a http://www.498a.org/contents/Publicity/498aResearchReport.pdf

Legal Scandal

Anti-dowry law (498A) has given rise to a legal scandal.

A bride marries the groom in court or in the presence of only a handful of her relatives. Within a few months after the marriage, the wife leaves the company of her husband and files anti-dowry law (498A) against her husband and his relatives. Since the husband has never been to courts, he agrees to pay his so-called wife a few lakhs of rupees to save himself and his relatives the harassment.

 

The wife marches on to harass her next victim, who is her next husband. How baseless these wives are!

 

If you are a victim, visit http://www.saveindianfamily.org for councelling.

Steps HR is taking to protect employees and improve productivity

Now-a-days, the HR of many companies in India is facing a very serious problem. Loss of productivity because of misuse of anti-dowry and domestic violence laws. Even Azim Premji , the respected CEO of Wipro, couldn't escape one of such laws. 498a is one such law and has been called Legal Terrorism by Supreme Court of India.
 
When an employee becomes victim of such a law, he has to take leave that often lasts a month or so to protect himself and his relatives. For instance, recently Deepak Verma (name changed), a employee of Oracle Bangalore, had to take a leave of more than 1.5 months to protect himself against the misuse of the law. This results in a heavy loss of productivity to the company and harassment to the employee.
 
HR department of many companies in India have already started sensitizing their employees against the misuse of laws. To help their affected employees, they have come up with an agressive plan, which include:
 
1)  directing their employees to join Save Indian Family, a strong self-help group by software professionals, CAs, businessmen, etc that also councels the victims and their families. The URL of the join the yahoogroup is  http://groups.yahoo.com/group/saveindianfamily/
 
2) providing the all-india helpline number 09243473794 (24 Hours)
 
3) asking the employees to sign an online PIL ( http://mynation.net/pil/pil.php ) against the misuse
 
4) asking the victims and potential victims to visit http://www.498a.org/faq.htm
 
5) forwarding this and any related info to their employees, HR groups and societies.

 

6) assuring their employees that they will not be terminated unless they are convicted.